Transitions, a book review

Around this time last year, I found myself in the middle of one of the most difficult life transitions I've been through in a long time. The last of our three kids was getting ready to empty the nest, while the job I had been working at for over a decade was coming to a close. Though I didn't have the vocabulary at the time to put it in these words, I was coming through a very challenging "Ending" stage and entering the "Transition Zone," a place marked by anxiety and resistance, on the one hand, and potential and possibilities, on the other.

That's how I've come to think of it now. At the time, all I knew was that a lot of things that seemed routine and reliable in my life were changing dramatically and I had no clue, yet, what was going to take their place. It was all very scary and disorienting, to be in the "Transition Zone" like this; though again, while I was in it, I didn't really know it was called a "Transition Zone," or how common it is, when you're in one, to find yourself grasping frantically for something (anything) to make things feel normal again.

The only reason I'm able to name all these things now, on the other side of my particular life transition, is because a good friend suggested I read a book by Dr. William Bridges, called Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes. In Transitions, Bridges explores "transition" as a psychological phenomenon, explaining what's going on in our brains when our lives are changing dramatically. He offers some very insightful wisdom about how to frame life's transition experiences, and some practical advice for going through them well.

In Bridge's view, "transitioning" is a natural process of "disorientation and reorientation marking the turning points in [our] path of growth" (p. 4). Rather than seeing transitions as crises we have to cope through, Bridges suggests they are key seasons in the "natural process of development and self-renewal" (p. 6). He suggests a three-phase model for understanding transitions in this way: they involve an "ending," where we let go of the old, both inwardly and outwardly, a "new beginning," where we start into something new with better self-knowledge and emotional resources, and a "transition zone," an important "empty or fallow time" in between the two. 

This in-between time is the most crucial part of a transition, but also the scariest. The temptation is to try and turn back to the old and the familiar so we don't have to go through it. We may seek to do this even when it's not really possible to go back. "Growing frightened," he writes, "we are likely to try to abort the three-phase process of ending, lostness, and beginning. We might even twist this pattern around so that beginnings come first, then endings, and then ... then what? Nothing. When we turn things around in that way, transition becomes unintelligible and frightening" (p. 11).

If we can find the the grace, however, to go through the "Transition Zone" staying open to the possibilities that are always there during times of change, our personal transitions can become a path to a deeper self understanding and a wiser way of being in the world.

Bridges' three-stage model gave me some good handles to hang onto as I went through my own transition last year. Especially wise was his reminder that it is impossible, really, to go back to the old once a transition has begun, his warning against trying to, and his encouragement to embrace the in-between time, as scary and lost as it feels, as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. 

One day I hope to write a book about transitions, as a psychological experience, and the theological importance of Holy Saturday—the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday—as a liturgical experience. My strong hunch is that the evangelical tradition has no clue what to do with Holy Saturday. "It's Friday but Sunday's Comin'" is the victorious mantra of contemporary evangelicalism, with nary an acknowledgement that the only way to get to that Comin' Sunday is through a Holy Saturday. I wonder what impact this tendency has on the evangelical Christian's ability to let their transition experiences be for them what Bridges says they can be.

That book will have to wait until I have more time, and perhaps more wisdom, than I have right now. In the meantime, and until it's written, I'd gladly recommend Bridge's work as a starting place for anyone sitting in their own Holy Saturday moment and trying to make sense of it.